By: John Doe

John Doe — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 18:25:55 +0000

As a 33 year old male that is searching for the reasons why I am the way I am, I stumbled across this article. Every reason described above is me, although my wife is not a nag and she does take care of herself physically. I’ve tried talking to her about my needs, she is well aware of my insecurities with my weight or appearance, although I do think most of that is in my own head, I am very critical about myself. My wife has become more independent since we married because my work takes me away from home frequently. When I am home I don’t feel like she’s attracted to me, and when I’m gone I get lonely and even more starved for attention. I’ll go have a few drinks, feel better about myself and enjoy flirting like I use to…sometimes with co-workers or people I trust. Sometimes flirting turns into more and sometimes it doesn’t. If it doesn’t I feel more rejected and the feelings I have about myself and my image are reinforced and confirmed. If flirting does turn into more, I feel reassured that these images of myself are all in my headm, but then I wonder why my wife can’t feel this way towards me and I sink in to yet a different kind of depression, worthlessness and failure. I’ll watch porn when I’m away from home or away from my wife to expend some of the built up frustration, but the feelings of lonleyness are still there and eventually I begin needing something more real. When flirting is just flirting it is fun. I think I am in control and will be able to just stop when the time comes to say goodnight because I do love my wife, but there are times that is not the case. I feel like I am on an emotional self-esteem roller coaster that never stops and is fueld by my need for physical attention and self-worth. I could never tell my wife what I’ve done to her, I would be too embarrassed to tell her how bad it has gotten over the years and it seems easier and more manageable to keep it inside, but at the same time nothing is getting better and nothing is getting fixed.

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By: John Doe